How to Feel in Love Again (That Actually Works)

You haven’t tried it because it’s counterintuitive.

Jennifer Haubrich
6 min readMar 24, 2022


Photo by Văn Thắng from Pexels

There’s a misconception in our society that not feeling “in love” signifies your relationship isn’t working. Or that it might even be entirely over.

The truth is, it’s unrealistic for you and your partner to expect one another to maintain the same level of loving feelings for one another throughout your entire relationship. Especially since our feelings for one another often result from events or circumstances beyond their control!

But that doesn’t mean you can’t still love one another. Or get those feelings back.

I know that my feelings toward not just my husband but all my loved ones can be significantly affected when I’m hungry, tired, stressed out, or anxious about something utterly unrelated to them. I can be prone to mental tirades against my husband's perceived slights or faults. In the silence of my mind, I let him have it! I’m scathing! I’m witty! Overflowing with righteous indignation!

But then, inevitably, when we talk, I discover the information my judgment lacked and the perspective I lacked. And the case I’d built so convincingly in my head to convict him falls to pieces.

I once again had made the mistake of believing my thoughts and narrow perspective without getting confirmation that they were correct.

The other truth is, often, the way we feel about our partner (as well as other people in our lives) has a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves in a given moment. And that’s sometimes a hard pill to swallow. It’s far easier to blame the person closest to us than do the work of improving ourselves. But that’s not fair.

So, for these reasons, I don’t give much credence to my lack of loving feelings toward my husband when I sense them at a given moment. And I don’t think you should with how you feel about your partner either. Not just because it’s probably not their fault, but also because there’s a much better way to get those loving feelings back.

At first, this might feel weird.

Instead of taking it as a sign that something’s wrong with your partner or your relationship when you aren’t…



Jennifer Haubrich

Relationships | Parenting | Food | Life | Mother, wife, and left-handed herbivore. INFJ. Still a Jersey girl. for content writing inquiries