5 Times It’s Better Not to Share Your Thoughts With Your Partner Immediately

Even if you really, really want to

Jennifer Haubrich


Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

I’m not sure how it started, but my husband and I have a “no baggage” policy. Secret resentments or silent grudges are forbidden. Maybe because our relationship started long-distance, we quickly recognized that open communication was the only way we had a chance of making it.

So, for us, there’s no waiting for an annual airing of our grievances on Festivus or keeping them bottled up until we explode. We must each let one another know when we are hurt, angry, or disappointed promptly.

This tactic has served us well over the last two decades.

What I appreciate about a baggage-free relationship is that it doesn’t lead either of us to ruminate over past disputes. By not staying silent on things that really bother us, we can move past them more quickly. And then we can forget about them. There’s no need to keep score.

But I have also found there are certain situations when it’s best not to speak up right away.

While I would never suggest giving your partner the silent treatment, somewhere between speaking up immediately and keeping silent for a prolonged length of time are the situations where I have found it’s best to, at least temporarily, bite my tongue.

Like all that I’ve learned about relationships, these are all mistakes I once made regularly but now try to avoid.

Here are five situations where I’ve found it best not to immediately share my thoughts.

1) When they make a mistake.

I once accidentally ordered 73,000 of the wrong kind of label at a job in my early twenties. It was an expensive mistake and because they were custom printed, they could not be returned. I was mortified. I prided myself on being reliable and responsible. I thought I might be fired.

My boss at the time could see how upset I was and did not take the opportunity to make me feel bad or criticize me. He didn’t deduct the cost from my pay. Perhaps because this was an isolated incident, he shrugged it off, saying we all make mistakes.



Jennifer Haubrich

It's all about relationships, with ourselves, others, and the world. Trying to live a better life. Sometimes funny.